


The Gift Of A Look

by amyfortuna



Series: Ninnachel [9]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, First Time, Gender Issues, Intersex, Loss of Virginity, Other, Past Trauma (implied but not mentioned), Self Confidence Issues, Trust Issues, non-binary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 18:07:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4029586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyfortuna/pseuds/amyfortuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baindir and Ninnachel's first time together, by the shores of Lake Mithrim.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gift Of A Look

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably not make much sense if you haven't read the rest of the Ninnachel series. 
> 
> It takes place at a very much earlier point in Baindir and Ninnachel's relationship; we've only ever really seen them after hundreds of years of being together. This is how they began. 
> 
> (I feel like I should put a warning on this story, but I'm not sure for _what_ exactly. If you experience gender dysphoria or are intersex, you may find this story triggering in some way - but then again, you may find it helpful.)

**Year 3 of the Sun, Lake Mithrim**

"Do you everlastingly tease, bright eyes, or are we going to sleep together at some point?" Baindir asked, half fond teasing, half annoyance. They were tangled up together though fully clothed, lying on the green bank of the lake, just above where it cut steeply down to the sandy shoreline. It was just after moonrise, and the area was deserted. 

Ninnachel had just drawn back after a lengthy series of kisses, when Baindir's hand wandered slowly down their body, and came to rest on their hip. 

"I think I must have duties to attend to," Ninnachel said, avoiding the question, looking up over Baindir's shoulder to see if anyone was nearby. 

"I'm sure that you do not," Baindir said. "You said earlier that your evening was free." He sighed, and leaned his head against Ninnachel's shoulder for a moment, then drew back. "Do you not desire me even though you say you do? Truly, I will not be more hurt if you simply tell me what you want, even if it is not me." 

Ninnachel's eyes snapped back to Baindir's, worry in their grey depths. "I do desire you, do not doubt that!" 

Baindir lifted his hand from Ninnachel's hip - and noticed how Ninnachel relaxed as he did so - and moved it to their hair, stroking gently down the dark wave of it. "Then what are you afraid of?" he asked. "Night after night you come to me, and we kiss like this, and you tease me about what you are going to do to me - in explicit detail, I might add - but nothing more ever happens. And when I touch you -" he let his hand drift down again toward Ninnachel's lower body, and Ninnachel shrank back, away from Baindir, "- you look like I'm about to strike you or hurt you. So what are you afraid of?" 

Ninnachel bit their lip, not looking at Baindir. There was a long silence. "I am afraid to have you look at my body," Ninnachel said at last. "I want you - I want this - so much, but the fear overpowers everything. I do not want you to look at me and be repulsed."

"Nothing about you can be repulsive," Baindir said immediately. "Not to me, at any rate." He brought his hand to Ninnachel's face, stroking down the curve of their cheek, and finally lifting their chin with a finger, to look into their eyes. "And yet, if you wish, I do not need to look at you to bring you pleasure. If you will, I can touch you without looking." 

Ninnachel took in a harsh breath and leaned forward to quickly kiss Baindir. "I am willing to try," they said. "Keep your eyes fixed on mine, and you may touch me." 

What followed was strange and slow, almost silent. Baindir's hand gently caressed Ninnachel's hip, and they stared at each other, until Ninnachel gave a tiny nod. Then Baindir reached in among Ninnachel's clothing until he found warm flesh, and Ninnachel gasped. 

"How do you like to be touched?" Baindir said, careful to keep his eyes on Ninnachel's. Somehow this was intensely intimate, Ninnachel's unblinking stare meeting his own. His hand felt a million miles away, doing something that he was not quite conscious of. Ninnachel's hips rocked into him. 

"I do not know," Ninnachel said. "You are the first to ever touch me like this - _ah!_ " Ninnachel's eyelashes fluttered. "But keep doing that, it's very good." 

Baindir watched the movement of Ninnachel's eyes for cues, the tiny twitch of muscles in their face, listened to their breathing change and stutter, with the occasional gasp or soft moan. He learned slow and sure what made Ninnachel close their eyes in pleasure, what caused their breath to speed up, what caused their hand to tighten on Baindir's shoulder. He kept his eyes on Ninnachel's face, moving his hand slowly, unhurried, gentle. 

When Ninnachel finally came, it was with a long drawn-out breathless sigh, as if a world of weight had been lifted from their shoulders. Baindir leaned forward and kissed them gently, withdrawing his hand carefully and bringing it up between them. He raised it to his lips and tasted Ninnachel's fluids. Ninnachel looked on curiously, and finally bent forward, taking one of Baindir's fingers into their mouth, tasting themselves. 

"That is not unpleasant," Ninnachel said, with half a smile. 

"It's you," Baindir said, with a little more of a smile. "You're not unpleasant." He kissed Ninnachel again, lazy, unhurried, and when he drew back, Ninnachel was gazing at him with a new fondness in their eyes. 

"Look at me," Ninnachel said. 

"I am looking at you," Baindir answered. Ninnachel smiled. 

"No, I mean - you may look at me, if you want to. Look at all of me. Be the first to look at me with the eyes of a lover." 

Baindir brought his forehead to rest against Ninnachel's. "You are giving me a very great gift," he said. 

"So are you," Ninnachel answered. "Take my fears away, Baindir. Look at me." 

And Baindir did.


End file.
